Ironhide's Revenge
by Aethelgythe
Summary: Ironhide is forced to become Sam's temporary guardian for 3 days while Ratchet repairs Bumblebee's legs after the Mission city battle. Only thing is...that little pit-spawn rodent is determined to lubricate on him...AGAIN. PLEASE R&R!


Disclaimer: I do NOT own Transformers OR Pirates of the Caribbean.

Author's Note: This idea was inspired by a crazy idea I had one night while under the influence of cold medicine as I stared at Ironhide on one of my Transformers posters, especially after I saw "Pirates of the Caribbean" again a few days beforehand. You have my sister to thank for both the title and a couple other ideas.

Also…I am well aware of Ratchet's incredibly awesome ability to repair bots with perfect precision and excellence, for the sake of this story…it will take him 3 days to reattach and repair Bumblebee's legs. I know that ordinarily, our favorite Doc could have him restored in like one day. XD LOL

IRONHIDE'S REVENGE

The trigger-happy, cannon toting, Decepticon-blasting, explosion loving, Autobot weapons specialist remembered that fateful day.

The fateful day that he and the rest of his team arrived to Earth. The fateful day he met the boy Sam and his irreversibly loathsome rodent…canine…pet_…thing_…_**the abomination from the pit!!**_

It dared to **lubricate** on his foot. His comrades, to his dismay, were not perturbed by it in the least. His first raging impulse was to step on it…

He _almost_ got away with it too…if it wasn't for Sam's intervention. This only enraged him further, forcing him to bring his cannons online in the eager hopes of blasting the little parasite to the pit.

While Ratchet, their CMO repaired Bumblebee's legs for three days after the battle at Mission city, he was sent to guard Sam until Bumblebee was cleared for active duty again. Those three separate visits to Sam's house ended quite badly.

The first day, Ironhide remained in Truck mode in the hopes that the little pit-spawned, fragger would leave him alone. The first thing Mojo did when he rolled up in the driveway was to sniff his right front tire before lifting his hind leg. IT lubricated on him AGAIN. That was the wire that fried the motherboard's circuits…

"THAT'S IT! PREPARE TO OFFLINE, FRAGGER!"

Ironhide backed down the driveway to distance himself from Mojo and then accelerated straight for the confused looking animal. Just then, Sam rounded the corner of the backyard. The boy's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates the second he understood the situation.

"IRONHIDE, STOP! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

Ironhide snarled as he was forced to slam on the brakes. He vehemently released another string of cybertronian profanities. Not because the slagging dog lubricated on him…but because he had once again been denied the chance to terminate it.

If it wasn't for the fact that Sam had been running straight for him at that moment to save his precious pet from his wrath…the vengeful black Autobot would have run the dog over right then and there, no matter how messy it would have been.

The second day was a different matter entirely.

Ironhide once again remained in truck mode and Mojo had run over, preparing to lubricate on him again. He resisted the urge to transform and stomp the rodent into the ground. Instead, he blasted his horn…**loudly**, scaring the dog into running into the backyard with its tail between its legs.

Sam opened the door and ran out to see what was wrong after hearing the shrill honking. The moment he saw his dog run whimpering back into the house did he put two and two together.

"Ironhide…"

Sam stomped angrily out into the small alley behind his backyard and hissed furiously at his temporary guardian.

"Ironhide…what the _hell_ is your problem?!"

Ironhide refused to respond and sat brooding, ignoring Sam completely. At last, the boy growled with anger and kicked his left tire. Ironhide's response to this action was to blast his horn at the teen, earning a shrill shriek on Sam's part as he nearly jumped out of his skin from the abrupt attack on his poor unsuspecting ears. Sam scowled at him and crossed his arms.

"What was **that **about?"

"You kicked me."

"You wouldn't answer my previous question!"

"I felt it was unnecessary to respond to a question, you already knew the answer to."

"What did Mojo do THIS time?"

"Nothing. BUT—"

Ironhide cut in before Sam could interrupt.

"—the accursed fleabag was most certainly going to lubricate on me again. IT **always** DOES!"

Sam rolled his eyes and uncrossed his arms, shaking his head.

"It's not Mojo's fault! He—"

"—IS DEAD…if IT lubricates on me again," Ironhide growled threateningly.

Sam took a step back at the tone, eyes wide with fright when he finally understood the weapons specialists' sincerity.

"Mojo is a HE…not an IT," Sam narrowed his eyes, after regaining his composure. He knew Ironhide would never hurt him no matter how furious the Autobot was at his dog right now.

Ironhide remained silent. Sam understood that this was officially the end of the conversation. The rest of that day, he made sure to keep Mojo inside if not within his direct line of sight. Later that night, Sam apologized to Ironhide and in an attempt to cheer the Autobot up, watched "Pirates of the Caribbean" with him after setting up an 'outdoor' movie theatre with a projector, speakers, and a sheet strung between two poles.

Eventually…he forgot Ironhide's threat.

And thus began the third day of Ironhide's guardian duties at the Witwicky residence.

Ironhide was relieved when his scanners detected the dog inside of the house and relaxed a notch. He had been up all night, cleaning and adjusting his cannons in the hopes of catching the animal alone…without its troublesome human master to save it.

This of course might have been a bad idea on his part. Ironhide was not the youngest of bots…and as such he found himself drifting off into recharge as he sat innocently in the driveway of Sam's house. He awoke a few hours later when he heard Sam shout good-byes to his parents before running out of the door. His scanners worked overtime to locate the rodent but surprisingly, Mojo was still inside.

How unfortunate…

Sam informed him that he was going a few houses down to visit his friend Miles and left with Ironhide's delighted consent. The teen scowled at him and sent him his most vicious glare while pointing an accusatory finger at him.

"DON'T hurt Mojo!"

Sam ran off without looking back, quite sure that everything would be fine while he was gone.

Ironhide was disappointed when the rest of Witwicky's left, leaving Mojo inside of the house. He had secretly hoped they would leave the pet outside on the leash in the backyard…

The old bot sighed with a deep growl and slipped back into recharge.

Another two hours passed, setting the world into dusk as the sun began to set. Ironhide was awoken by an odd sensation. A scratching feeling as what had to be an animal's nails, scrabbled for purchase in his truck bed.

_The frag?_

For a confused moment, he thought that a squirrel had fallen from an overhanging branch overhead but that was not to be the case, as he soon learned.

The confusion was shattered when he heard a very familiar, high pitched, _triumphant sounding, _bark.

Wait a minute…how in the pit did the little fragger get outside?! Ironhide's scans located the problem. The doggie door latch on the backdoor was unlocked. The biggest question of them all that nearly had his processor short circuiting was--

How in the world did Mojo get into his truck bed?!

Then he spotted it…

"You have got to be slagging, kidding me."

A 4x4 plywood board that had been propped against the house was now propped up against HIM. **How** the little cretin moved the board was beyond him…the facts remained. The bane of his life, that was the tiny rodent abomination that was Mojo, was currently sitting innocently in his truck bed.

When five minutes passed and nothing terrible happened, Ironhide dared to relax a minute. Then it happened.

A wet sensation blossomed in his truck bed.

"NO ONE WILL SAVE YOU THIS TIME!!"

Ironhide transformed, spilling the dog onto the pavement below and stood to his towering, menacing height. He loomed over the miniature canine and cackled evilly as he twirled his cannons into place and grinned with mad delight as they hummed to life.

Time and time again, he was never allowed the chance.

Until now

"That was the LAST time you will lubricate on me, you little glitch!"

Ironhide frowned when his cannons clicked, signaling that his plasma cartridge was empty. NO! He checked them last night and they were FINE!

Then it clicked within his processor and his optics narrowed into twin slits.

"Sam…he must have called HQ! That doesn't make sense…I didn't fragging recharge until TODAY! Ratchet couldn't have…"

Nothing made sense anymore. The only thing that did now was that Mojo was going to be TERMINATED one way or another.

Right when he was about to step on Mojo he froze. He remembered Sam's pleading face the day before when he had been about to run him over. Even though he hated…no…**loathed** Mojo with ALL, of his spark, he knew how much the rodent meant to the boy. Ironhide discovered in that small frame of time, that he could not kill Sam's pet.

That was when he got a delicious idea.

He had the movie to thank for that idea as he flashbacked to the previous night…

"_We must stand and fight!" –Will Turner_

"_With what" – Anna-Maria_

"_Anything….everything…__**anything we have left**__!"_ –_Will Turner_

"_Load the guns!" –Mr. Gibbs_

_The crew scrambled and hastened to stuff forks, spoons, and knives into the cannons before firing an assortment of odd things at the enemy ship…now that they had no cannon balls after throwing them overboard._

Ironhide made a few adjustments to his cannons before scooping up the startled Chihuahua up in one massive hand. He then shoved Mojo into one of his cannons, aimed it at the sky, and fired…sending the dog yowling and howling through the air to land unceremoniously but clearly unharmed, on the rooftop of Sam's home. Ironhide guffawed in response to the frightened animal's plight.

The weapon's specialist thought it a brilliant idea. One had to use what they had. Many times in the past, he resorted to using whatever he could find on the battlefield to stave off the enemy after his weapons energy packs had been depleted.

Ironhide transformed back into truck mode when he heard Sam approaching, back from his friend's house.

"Is everything okay, Ironhide? I thought I heard something…"

"Yes…everything is just fine, Sam. I must return to headquarters now. Bumblebee will return to you later this evening."

With his hasty reply, the black, GMC top-kick backed out and sped away from the Witwicky residence as if a whole army of Mojos were chasing him. As he drove back to the Autobot's base, he could only imagine what Optimus and Ratchet would say to him. He would get an audio full…that was for sure.

He didn't care. He guffawed again when another thought came to mind.

Ironhide wondered how well Sam would take it when he discovered Mojo on the roof…

It no longer mattered. Bumblebee would arrive at Sam's house in three hours time. The little parasite would be free to spread its reign of terror once more.

Ironhide rumbled in contentment, feeling much better…better than he had since first meeting Mojo all those months ago.

Even if it wasn't what he initially had in mind…

At long last…Ironhide finally got his revenge.

THE END

A/N: Please review!


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